how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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