I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
