I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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