they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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