I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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