Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
