Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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