If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
