Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
