The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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