If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
