Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
