Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
