he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
