All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
