Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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