On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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