Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
