is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
