Can Purell be used as lube?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
