wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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