I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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