Say something about gay babies.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
