So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
