I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think I just sharted jello shots
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
