Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
