im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
