Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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