well I can't set my house on fire every night
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
