After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
