Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
