who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
