Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
