I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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