physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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