so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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