Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize