theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
