I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
