On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
