I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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