flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
