Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
