I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
