My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize