I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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