how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
