I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
