I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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