Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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