I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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