Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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