My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
