It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
