the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
