I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
