Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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