she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize