well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
