every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Randomize
