Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
