Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
