I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
