Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
