Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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