Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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