so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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