Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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