So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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