I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
