You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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