The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
