he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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