I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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