she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
