I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
