you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize