well I can't set my house on fire every night
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
