I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
