you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
