i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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