I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
high people should be assigned attendants
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
