Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
