I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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