Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize