I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
