Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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