why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
