Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a search helicopter?!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
