I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
